Life is like High School
Something I have repeatedly seen and learnt about people is that many never fully seem to outgrow the high school mentality, completely down to the ganging up and bullying of someone who doesn’t match their own beliefs or ideals.
Not only have I seen more real world examples of this than I care to remember but go to any forum on the internet and you will find your cliques, your cool kids, your outsiders and yes on some you’re down right bully’s.
Now before you think I am saying this to scare and dishearten you I’m not!
You see often in the angst of being a teenager we buy into the drama, the subcultures and the feeling that if I don’t stick with the herd we will be ostracised.
As an Adult YOU HAVE A CHOICE!
It is always easier to go with the flow or in this case the crowd. It’s scary to be someone who isn’t taking part or who is standing up and saying wait a minute this isn’t right! It can take courage, strength and a hell of a lot of guts to stand up and say sorry I don’t agree with this and it’s wrong. Especially when the people involved are considered friends.
Today I am somewhat disheartened and disappointed in people I consider close friends because I wonder how long before I make the sort of slip up where I am crucified publicly for it?
Then I remember life is such a precious gift each moment is so valuable and I am not gonna squander those moments in the land of what if’s!
I also know that if it comes down to it I will not hesitate to remove toxic people from my life. It is hard to let people you care about go but when emotional well being is at stake we need to put ourselves at the top of the list.
I am free to decide what I want in my life.
I took the Vow last year see here http://itakethevow.com/vow
And it is a vow of non violence. To create a more peaceful life. I am not perfect I slip at times. But I take this vow seriously. What it has meant in my life is, learning to let go of the righteous anger, not playing violent video games, and continuing with the fact I don’t watch the news or violent TV shows or movies (bar the occasional action flick although I have never been one for blood and gore) and learning to take a deep breath and step back when I am hurt or angry. I haven’t mastered it all yet far from it. It is a work in progress for me but something I believe strongly in.
Life isn’t always sunshine and roses but the truth is we also don’t have to put out lot’s of negative energy into the world.
It comes down to our choices, who we choose to be.
I choose to be a positive person
I choose to be a caring person
I choose to be a compassionate person
And as Dumbledore said to Harry in The Chamber of Secrets “It is our choices Harry that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”
And so it is true in life. It is our choices who make us who we are, be that angry and hurt and acting out on that to the world or at peace and happy and secure in ourselves.
The thing to remember with people who belittle, bully or undermine others is that they are acting out their own insecurities oftentimes and in truth think of the sad lives they may live and how miserable they must feel on the inside or how much they must truly loathe themselves to put that much negativity into the world. It is so easy to justify to themselves and others by saying things like “oh but he/she contradicts themselves all the time” “oh but they are so arrogant they need to be taken down a peg or two” etc rather than to turn off the external chatter and take the time to look inward and heal it is a lot easier to take the anger at ourselves and our circumstances out on other people or to join in with the jeering crowd.
Again it is a choice. Our reactions are in our hands and we can choose what we do or in some cases do not do.
For me even in high school that mentality got old fast. I have always chosen not to do those things because I know how in the past when the bullying has been directed at me how much it hurt, these days I am far more equipped to deal with it. Back at boarding school it was water and food laced with Epsom salts to make me throw up, mean words and short sheeting my bed. As grownups it can become more subtle and also at times more blatant. However it comes down to choice
There is no point getting into a word slinging match with someone who believes their anger is self righteous (see how to handle the Bart Simpsons of this world blog) as it is like talking to a brick wall.
There is also a lot to be said for picking your battles, for knowing where your line in the sand is and knowing which fights to stand up and say enough with and the ones that are a losing battle and are best to walk away from or ignore.
It isn’t about being a better person than someone else. It is about choosing to be the best person you can. It is about not buying into other people’s drama or taking the hooks other people offer to participate in life in a negative way. It is about making a conscious choice to live your life with love, compassion and positive energy. Well for me at any rate.
“What ye sew so shall ye reap” yes it’s from the bible and it is still as true today as it was then
If you choose to sow seeds of mistrust, negativity, hurt, and pain then these are what you will reap.
If you choose to sow seeds of love, happiness, kindness, contentment and positivity then these are what you will reap.
Until we meet again on Life’s Journey remember it comes down to one thing the choices we make in each moment. Which choice will you make?
In Love and Light