With the dawning of a new year comes the realisation I do not miss the man I miss the connection and the love. I know I will find that with someone else and when that happens I know the past year will be but a distant memory.
With the Dawning of a New Year I usually am all gung ho and it will be better than the last year and such. I did not do that this year. Instead I chose to allow 2012 to unfold as it will, to surprise me, to inspire me, to challenge me to grow, to be what it will be.
Of course this will not be without my influence.
The focus this year is on creativity.
It is such an exciting year in terms of creativity and the creative challenges I am setting for myself.
The best thing is stretching not knowing if something can be done and doing it anyway.
You know thinking back on the past year, there are people who were around even if just for a small while who I miss talking to, others who I know it is best to let go of.
I got to truly discover how amazing the friends are who stay in my life, as well as many other things about myself.
I have found myself somewhat wistful and melancholy some days missing lively conversations on so many varied subjects. You know the kind where you can start on one topic and end up somewhere completely different. Where you learn and bounce of someone.
Thinking back sometimes I think I gave up to much far too soon for one man who really and honestly probably did not deserve it.
In some ways looking back I really still do not know why the heart sometimes wants what it wants. I do know that lesson learnt not to dive into the ocean from a cliff there may be rocks below (well I can try at any rate).
There are things I wish I had done differently, the benefit of hindsight I guess. I think more handled differently. But such is life we live and we learn. Hence the melancholy type of mood at times.
Might also have to do with the type of pictures I have been Scrapbooking recently doing a layout featuring my Kindergarten Portrait. This year rather than doing a layout a week on current time I really want to get my school pictures scrapbooked as well as some of my other childhood photos.
And of course see some of my bear plans bear fruit.
It would be so easy to get caught up in what if’s and if I had made different decisions and one could dwell in the land of what if for a very very long time but sadly it does nothing but make you feel sad and despairing.
So time to allow creativity, and other such things to wash away the melancholy, to move forward with the wisdom of lessons learnt, and the hope that next time I will make the right decisions.
I am sure some days I will still miss some people who are now a part of my past. But as Dumbledore says “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live”
So this year I chose to live, I chose to create, to challenge myself and to see 2012 as the start of something completely new. No more looking back. No more what if’s. Just living one moment at a time being completely lost in each and every moment of time this year has to offer.
So until next we meet along life’s journey let go of the sins of the past and allow yourself to move freely into and live each and every moment.
In Love and Light