Is it yet again one too many fairytales? Too many mushy romantic movies? Or just the desire to self destruct?
Think about this seriously for a minute, every woman I know has been played, succumbed to the fantasy of what love should be and quite possibly walked away from real love because of one word.
We often favour the man who seems romantic, who is ready to sweep us off our feet in an instant and who talks a pretty game.
Now before I get bombarded by women and men who have a naturally romantic partner please note these are not the men I am talking about and might I add you lucky lucky ducks!
What I am talking about is the Casanovas, the men who sweet talk their way into your heart. Who will shout their so called love off the rooftops, who will tell you everything they think you want to hear and oh so much you never ever dared dream of. The men who will keep their word or promises for a short while so you will believe them, who swear they are not like other men but turn out to make other men look bad. Not just by building our expectations, our hopes and our dreams but also because they will then destroy all of them. This then makes us doubt even the most honest and sincere of men.
How is it we choose this man time and time again? And yet we overlook the man who listens, who laughs, who calls when he says he will, who lives up to all he says he is?
Is it fear that makes us chose Mr Wrong over Mr Right?
Is it the fear of lack of excitement?
Is it the fear of actually finding out what true unconditional love feels like?
Is it the fear of something honest and real?
These are questions I find myself asking. Not just because of the poor relationship choices I have made in the past. I have no wish to repeat those mistakes. To walk away from something that had or has possibly the beginnings of a solid foundation for a house of cards.
I know sometimes the heart wants what it wants. But I have never been the type of Woman who is fickle who flits from one man to the next.
The past is just that the past. However the lessons and the searching behind them is something I know is needed and hell if someone learns from my mistakes all the better for it. I know I sure as hell have.
Although some days it may look like I have not. These are the way my mind works things are filtering through now as the lessons from last year. My musings on life and the universe taken from my reality and my perspective.
It is funny how time and distance change things. I still cannot answer why the madness occurred. Why that man or even now I look at his pic what the hell was I thinking. Because I seriously have no idea. Maybe I needed to feel loved and cherished, maybe it was the time cooped up here with a broken leg and inability to focus that let me lose myself in yet another Mr Wrong. The truth is I will probably never make sense of what happened.
There is reason and I have again learnt a lot more about myself. But the rhyme escapes me. All I can do is hope I make far better choices. That I do not run away from real in favour of smoke and mirrors.
Perhaps the lesson “From my experience, honey, if he seems too good to be true—he probably is.” – Samantha, ‘Sex and the City’ is very apt and true. And perhaps the bottom line is that I craved a little romance and attention.
Shrugs it is what it is. I hear the ghost of Christmas past in A Muppet Christmas Carol saying “I told you, these are the shadows of the things that have been. That they are what they are, do not blame me.”
So now I have laid the old ghosts to rest. Whilst I cannot promise another bit of wisdom or two may not come from it. I am done with it.
Ready to move forward onto a new chapter and isn’t it funny how when you are ready to move forward oftentimes there is no one there to move forward with you………………..
So here is what I have learnt.
Romance is not over rated. It is the smallest gestures that truly mean the most.
I remember a friend who complained her husband wasn’t hearts and flowers romantic. But every night after work he would go and work in the garden on an organic vegetable plot for his wife and family. No it is not traditionally romantic but yes it is romantic. It shows how much love he has for his family. Not only for the time he took but also for the fact he wanted them to have the best food possible. Sometimes I think Hollywood and Mills and Boon give us such an unrealistic expectation of what romance is.
For me it has always been the small things like being treated well, a small gesture, a touch, a kiss, and so many more small examples of thoughtfulness. But like everyone I sometimes love the big shout it from the rooftop gestures as well.
What I have learnt though is often he who shouts the loudest, tends to use empty words to shout with. Often the man who quietly shows who he is, whose actions and words match, who lives up to his promises, he is the man you should choose.
Next time I find a relationship I want that man. The one who lives his life as he speaks it, who does not have to beat his chest and shout out loud she is mine but whose very actions show that I am his.
Till next we meet on life’s journey may a little romance find its way into your world
In Love and Light