Life online is interesting. So many things can be read into a line, a thought, a message. Things that often are not something that would be blown out of proportion in real life have a habit of becoming larger than life online.
I was thinking about something I had noticed lately. Facebook friends who used to post on my wall, at least every so often. Be it a little message or just spreading some love in the form of hearts. Have stopped. Sure I see them post on other peoples walls and such but it is funny that in the ebb and flow of life it has taken me time to notice these subtle changes.
It is not a criticism or to have a bash at them. Just something I have noticed and as happens the thought stuck in my head. So here I am musing and pondering on such things.
I find myself in a lot of weird spaces at times. Some day’s I truly wonder about the effect I have on people. I have always believed in being truthful and honest. I do my best to be kind and respectful, to reach out to friends and family in times when I know I am most needed. Work hard at fostering good quality friendships, and yet I have noticed even these at times seem to slip through my fingers.
Perhaps it is my whole approach that friendship and relationships should be a two way street with equal traffic on both sides. Sure life ebbs and flows and the traffic may be heavier on one side for a while. But in the best friendships it always ends up balancing out.
Perhaps it is the fact that I get to a point where I just will not be the one to have to reach out all the time. As well as things like I will only send so many messages into the void of no return before I will let sleeping dogs lie.
I know at times I have been accused for having different standards for others than I have for myself. Although it has come up mostly, in relation to advice. I am the first to admit I don’t always make the best decisions at times and that I am pretty damn far from perfect. I do however take each and every lesson to heart. If asked my opinion on something I do tend to offer the advice that will lead to the most healing rather than send people I care for like Icarus flying into the sun only to get burned.
Perhaps it is a failing. I truly do not know. I know that I learn and grow through every interaction. That what I think and believe right now may not be what I think and believe tomorrow. I am always growing, always learning, always evolving. Thus is the nature of life. The times we stay static and unmoving like water trapped in a puddle, we stagnate, we wither, we dry up, and we die inside. I have been there I have no wish to go back to any of those times and places. Although they taught me valuable lessons, and yes in life there are times we need to stand still and take stock. I am talking about the times when we run and hide from ourselves, when we refuse to face the lessons offered, when we turn into brick wall people who cannot see any way out of the hole we have created.
I no longer see failure. I see lessons, some harsher than others true. However every interaction in life is a gift. We get to learn and grow through. Sometimes only in subtle ways, other times in huge ways that will forever impact who we are. Each event weaves into the tapestry that is our life. Each interaction leaving a little colour, dropping a stitch or 10, adding shimmer and shine where needed. In short each lesson we learn no matter how hard or how much we feel we have lost at the time brings us closer to knowing who we truly are.
Each lesson strips away another layer, tears away another mask. Till we can no longer run and hide from the truth of whom we are. It is only when we can face all that we are. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the shameful. That we become whole and complete.
Nothing that we bring to the light and examine is truly ugly. Because in examining it we can choose to set it free. To change a bad habit, to let go of the need to gossip or backstab, to make a conscious effort to not create or be addicted to drama in our lives etc etc etc. We can choose to be kind and compassionate.
You know some years ago I was a nanny for a wonderful little man called Harrison. Harrison had the most amazing grasp that his behaviour was his choice. We had a game we would play. Harrison would go to his bedroom shut the door then open it and ask “Which Harrison am I?” and I would try and guess from his expression and such if he was good, or naughty, or cheeky, or happy or sad and such.
When Shaylyn my eldest niece was younger and would get into trouble I always made sure to tell her I loved her that no matter what that never changes, however I do not like her behaviour right now. The reason for this is because as a child we often feel when we get into trouble like no one loves us. That could not be further from the truth. We get into trouble because we are learning what is right and what is wrong and we make mistakes along the way. We get punished so that we learn from our mistakes. I think where in some cases this falls down is that often Parents forget to explain the reasons behind why something is wrong and discuss it with the child.
I have been truly blessed to know some very remarkable children in my time. My nieces included. In the same time that I have always tried to teach them to take responsibility for their actions good or bad, to show them unconditional love and support and all of the things you do with children they have taught me patience, kindness and the value of being a good actress because sometimes you have to fake the anger.
Yes this is a very mixed blog. It is 5am and I haven’t been to bed yet, coupled with two nights of bad sleep. So you get a mixed blog of musings.
Till next we meet on life’s journey may you revel in the lessons of life and come ever closer to unlocking your true self.
In love and light