Sometimes no matter how much I chip away at things or how much I do or do not do I cannot help but feel like I am sinking.
It is at these times, you will find me less chatty (unless you’re one of the rare few people I talk to during these times)
It is so hard to describe the feeling. More of a drawing inwards. My mind races and often won’t shut off making sleep near impossible some nights and I just don’t feel like being around people even the forums I love and other such things can become a chore and the urge to become a hermit becomes ever stronger. Usually this occurs during times of stress or feeling pressure about this or that.
Actually if I am honest these times make it hard for me to want to do much at all.
You know one of the biggest things I have been trying to get on top of is actually remembering to eat 3 meals a day (My Nutritionist wants 4 and 2 snacks but at present I struggle with breakfast, lunch and dinner). Even on my worst days however I still must cook. Simply because I have created a lifestyle that means there is very rarely convenience food here. This even goes down to the pre made sauces and meal bases (it is very rare anything of this nature enters my house).
I will often make something like home made fried rice, risotto or soup because it allows me the luxury of having to do nothing other than reheat for a few days which is about as easy as it gets.
Whilst it sux from a budget standpoint (notice how much cheaper buying the pre prepared stuff is when on special versus stocking the pantry with sauces, spices and other such things.) it is fun to sometimes play with making up new recipes though some day’s I truly hate having to think about food full stop.
Baking is another thing I do periodically to help pad out what I have and also because you know what is going into something you bake yourself.
Hmm this post was not meant to be about cooking anyway.
The sinking feeling. I tend to either force myself to keep social, or totally withdraw. I think since I have seen the pattern that I tend to come out of it faster than I have in the past but sometimes it feels like a constant struggle just to get through the day. Most days sinking or not feel like an uphill battle.
After spending a couple of months with appointment after appointment I have given myself a couple of weeks off, however it is time soon to start making the phone calls and booking the appointments for another round of things from Dr’s, counsellor, and exercise physiologist to name a few it is about to hit another lot of crazy busy (and expensive) running around.
However each thing is another thing to chip away at just like my course or the housework.
I do my best to not focus on the bad stuff, to try and ignore the sinking feeling at times, to keep plodding along and chipping away.
For the days I forget that I am a wonderful and awesome person I am truly lucky to have friends who remind me.
For the rest it is just chipping away, not being too hard on myself for the days I can’t and working on those things I can.
Pretty much just keep chopping wood and carrying water
Till next we meet on life’s journey