Sinking

 

Sometimes no matter how much I chip away at things or how much I do or do not do I cannot help but feel like I am sinking.

It is at these times, you will find me less chatty (unless you’re one of the rare few people I talk to during these times)

It is so hard to describe the feeling. More of a drawing inwards. My mind races and often won’t shut off making sleep near impossible some nights and I just don’t feel like being around people even the forums I love and other such things can become a chore and the urge to become a hermit becomes ever stronger. Usually this occurs during times of stress or feeling pressure about this or that.

Actually if I am honest these times make it hard for me to want to do much at all.

You know one of the biggest things I have been trying to get on top of is actually remembering to eat 3 meals a day (My Nutritionist wants 4 and 2 snacks but at present I struggle with breakfast, lunch and dinner). Even on my worst days however I still must cook. Simply because I have created a lifestyle that means there is very rarely convenience food here. This even goes down to the pre made sauces and meal bases (it is very rare anything of this nature enters my house).

I will often make something like home made fried rice, risotto or soup because it allows me the luxury of having to do nothing other than reheat for a few days which is about as easy as it gets.

Whilst it sux from a budget standpoint (notice how much cheaper buying the pre prepared stuff is when on special versus stocking the pantry with sauces, spices and other such things.) it is fun to sometimes play with making up new recipes though some day’s I truly hate having to think about food full stop.

Baking is another thing I do periodically to help pad out what I have and also because you know what is going into something you bake yourself.

Hmm this post was not meant to be about cooking anyway.

The sinking feeling. I tend to either force myself to keep social, or totally withdraw. I think since I have seen the pattern that I tend to come out of it faster than I have in the past but sometimes it feels like a constant struggle just to get through the day. Most days sinking or not feel like an uphill battle.

After spending a couple of months with appointment after appointment I have given myself a couple of weeks off, however it is time soon to start making the phone calls and booking the appointments for another round of things from Dr’s, counsellor, and exercise physiologist to name a few it is about to hit another lot of crazy busy (and expensive) running around.

However each thing is another thing to chip away at just like my course or the housework.

I do my best to not focus on the bad stuff, to try and ignore the sinking feeling at times, to keep plodding along and chipping away.

For the days I forget that I am a wonderful and awesome person I am truly lucky to have friends who remind me.

For the rest it is just chipping away, not being too hard on myself for the days I can’t and working on those things I can.

Pretty much just keep chopping wood and carrying water

 

Till next we meet on life’s journey

 

Amanda

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About heavenlyimaginings

A crafter from the time I was a small child. My love of crafting has developed into a passion for making Artist Original Bears, Scrapbooking, making fascinators and hair accessories, as well as dabbling in other bits and pieces such as making the occasional small bag. I craft on a budget. Try and reuse and recycle where I can (I wish I lived closer to a big reverse cycle garbage type place). In truth I play when I craft. It is such an adventure. Often do not spend time looking for tutorials and tips online preffering to meander though in my own way. After all if you do not know the rules then you have no problems breaking all of them. Have to be honest and say I truly love being pushed out of my creative comfort zone, as it is in those moments that you have to stretch yourself and your imagination that often you create the most amazing works of art. Also passionate about Spirituality. I discovered my psychic gifts at age 19 and have walked along the spiritual path for 19 years now.
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4 Responses to Sinking

  1. CastingPearls says:

    You ARE a wonderful and awesome person, full stop.
    That being said, I think that many of us withdraw and isolate ourselves (or feel quite isolated outside of our own control) from time to time to recharge. Without getting personal on this public blog, I know many of your trials and tribulations and you’ve had a lot on your emotional plate, miss. That’s a lot to deal with and you more than most, deal with it in an optimistic and positive manner. You busy yourself with your crafts and spiritual work and help others and always have a kind encouraging word for anyone who needs it. You have a child-like way about you that many have lost and some may even resent but that’s their issue, not yours. Allow yourself to hibernate from time to time, but also allow the abundance of your friends into your life, to help you pull you out of your ruts when they concern you. You do have friends you trust, so they know your quiet moments as well as your playful ones and love you no matter what. The sinking feeling will abate, it comes and goes like waves as you lay on a raft. If you think it’s something more like a clinical depression, then perhaps a discussion with the best professional who actually listens to you is in order, or perhaps, even a spiritual mentor? Love you.

  2. fraemagic says:

    Hugs and lots of love 😀 Dont frce anythign just go with the flow at the moment it is time to rest and when you do have to make those alppointments take baby steps that way you will get through them Remember you matter and we love you 😀

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