So when life constantly beats you down sometimes you stumble and you fall, sometimes you loose your way, sometimes you start believing the tales and stories other people make up for you. Even if just for a little while. Sometimes you forget that you are the Narrator, the creator, the imaginator of your own story.
Sometime you become so attatched to that story you do not see a way out. The story becomes your prison, your brick wall, your comfort in the dark space. A way of hiding from your own beautiful inner light.
I know this because I have lived it. In recent years I let myself become more and more isolated because of the stories I had been involved in, because I just could not take any more pain, any more hurt, any more abuse at the hands of others.
I lost the will to fight, more so than anything breaking my leg last year and dealing with everything on my own as usual (yes I had friends who were there for emotional support and such but sometimes it is nice to feel like you really have someone in your corner).
What I have learned through the darkness is that you can have an army of people around you but until your ready to you will never get through the darkness.
Sometimes we need the time out, we need the time to recouperate, to regenerate to heal. We are tested time and time again sometimes to see if we have learned the lessons of the past and are ready to learn new and ever more important lessons.
There is no point beating ourselves or others up over the mistakes of the past. In life we all muddle along and do the best we know how to do. This goes for parents and others who we at times see as invincible as all knowing the truth is no one person is all of those things. We each and every one of us come to our own inner wisdom in our own time, some take many lifetimes others just a few.
What I do know for certain is that it is the way you handle what life throws at you, the way you rise to the challenges, the way you CHOOSE to live your life that helps shape and define you.
We often forget to re evaluate, to work out what is and isnt working for us, or to take the courage to step out our front door and say you know what I am Happy and free to be Me.
I know I am no saint or angel, I know I am far from perfect. What I do know is that every single thing that has happened in my life be it of my own choosing or not has shaped who I am for the better. Has it been hard work HELL YES! Have I wanted to give up throw in the towel and become a hermit! YES! Have I worked hard for every inch of ground I have gained! HELL YES
But ultimately it has been worth it. My self worth is not defined by others. My self esteem is not reliant on the good opinion of others. My values, my sense of right or wrong whilst many learned as a child are still with me are my own my choices.
I could be a psychotic bitch if I wanted to be god knows life has thrown enough at me that I could have chosen to be that way.
Instead I choose to live my life with kindness, compassion and hope.
I write my blog for me, I appreciate (the now much smaller number) of loyal blog followers I have. In all honesty anytime someone mentions my blog to me I am humbled and honoured to know that there are people out there reading it sharing in my thoughts, my journey and the things that I have learned in life.
I love this time of year. Spring is the season of rebirth, of new life and new energy. I love the feeling of hope and that anything is possible. Whilst some things take time others show up immediately.
I can honestly say without a doubt I have amazing friends. People who truly look out for my wellbeing and who give me a safe space to be completely myself. I choose to be the best friend I can in return. I hope that I do their friendship, their love, their kindness and compassion justice.
I choose to live my life by my own rules. I have never really felt I fitted into society as such and that is ok because not all of us are made to be carbon copies of each other.
I choose to write my blog for me and hope that when you read this and take this journey with me you gain something from doing so.
I choose to be happy in the face of whatever life throws at me (not always successfully)
I choose the freedom that comes with knowing that I am chipping away at what needs to be done in my life and that I am seeing the signs that I am going in the right direction.
I choose to let my inner voice be my guide not the voices of others.
I choose the freedom to enjoy my life and to live it to the best
of my ability!
No more hiding in the shaddows, no more letting others feel they have the right to rob me of my freedom, no more letting people who want to beat me down and have me hide away feeling ashamed of who I am beat me down.
Spring is here and with it comes clarity, energy and the ability to see what is really important.
As Bon Jovi sings “It’s my life” and to hell with anyone who wants to keep me hidden away or cowering.
Life is short I choose to live it and enjoy every moment of it in my own way. What makes me happy wont always make other people happy and that is ok to its a diverse world and that is a fantastic thing as well!
Till next we meet on life’s journey remember to have courage to face the obsticles life throws at you, that you can choose freedom at any moment and that you are Amazing wonderful people who I feel very honoured to know
In Love and Light