How do I begin to fathom your gone?
How do any of us?
How can you explain to someone who did not know you, just how much brighter you made the world?
How you turned the mundane, the everyday into extraordinary adventures?
How your updates, posts and conversations would light people up?
How do you begin to express in mere words the Amazing, humbling, awe inspiring gift of your Presence?
Of just how much you inspired others.?
I cannot believe we were only in each other’s lives for just under 5 years. It feels way way to short to have known you. We never even got to meet in person but you touched my life in such deep profound ways.
I remember when we first talked when you pm’d me asking for a reading how wary I was. How all you saw were brick walls surrounding you, with no way out.
Not only did you survive an abusive childhood, bullying brother, and abusive marriage but you chose to grow and thrive to forgive and move forward.
You always joked you should write a book 27 bra’s an a Tiara, because that is what you left with. In the midst of a Hurricane, you were left without power, food or anything else
you were already lining up your Ducks as you used to say ‘Getting all my ducks in a row’
Wonton was already with your father and your grandma.
How brave you were, how in some ways you traded one prison for another and yet still you shone brighter than any star.
Your courage oh your amazing courage. You would often say you felt week on the down days, when you were struggling to make sense of the crappy hand life had dealt you.
You were anything but weak.
How you shared every struggle every bit of hard won growth with us all through fb and your blog.
How even in the darkest of times you found joy in every little blessing no matter how small it was a roof over your head, friends who really cared, silly bits of happy mail in the guise of box-a-lopes that winged their way across the ocean to you from the land down under and were treasured and looked forward to.
How you wanted to find love and get kissed madly passionately deeply at the top of the Eiffel tower.
How you wished you could have had children of your own, and loved your fur babies the same way.
How you would cook amazing things, and tell stories of your Italian heritage and where you learned to make certain dishes.
How you would tell me stories of your life and I would be transported into your past right along with you.
How you could be having a horrible day or time of things, pop onto face book and there you would be with an anecdote, or creating a laugh along till you cry moment out of the heartbreak and misery that was sometimes your life.
How you broke free
How you created a home for you, Wonton, Lotus and Sequin.
How even if we had not talked in ages we would talk like old friends because it always felt like we were that.
How you lit up the Universe with your light, your wisdom and love.
How the darkness was always brighter with you in our lives.
Truly how do you begin to express all of that in mere words…
A radiant light whose wisdom, and whose personal journey resonated with so so so many people. Who were able to face their problems because you were there to hold our hands.
Who taught us the value of letting the people we love know they are loved. That your loosing people in 9/11 had such a profound effect you would never forget to tell those you cared about they were loved. A practice I will always continue and that started in my life because of you.
How do we fathom a world without your light, your beauty and your radiance in it?
You will never be forgotten because you touched to many lives for any of us to forget a piece of you will always live within our hearts just as you took a piece of each of us with you to the other side.
RIP Lainey, your earthly vessel may be gone but your light will shine brightly ever on.