So I have been sitting on something for a while now, about two months. A lot of people in my world know about it but not everyone.
So rather than having to explain it to lots of people over and over which is exhausting and energy I just do not possess and because I have always been 100% honest on my blog which I have been sorely neglecting the last couple of years. I am going to talk about it here.
I was diagnosed with Bi Polar 2. Read this wiki link to find out more about it and the differences between the two some are subtle some are huge https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_II_disorder
This came as a shock to me I truly expected to be diagnosed with what I already knew Social Anxiety, Depression and possibly PTSD.
To be honest I am still wrapping my head around what it means for me. It has certainly made some things much clearer and given me a greater understanding of my life as a whole and my path in life.
Of why things have not always gone on a normal path for me.
Interestingly Art Therapy is one of the top ways of Dealing with Bi Polar 2 and as someone who is a passionate crafter I often say creativity is the air that I breathe.
Though my creativity is down a lot this year, I know it helps me at times to focus and also to get through the darkness.
Now I know why I go quiet, I am overwhelmed, or need time out from everyday life and interactions room to rest and recover and that is ok. There is nothing wrong with needing time for ourselves.
I can see the progression, I can see when it got worse and then worse again when I sunk deeper and deeper. But when I talk to the people who know about it there is so much confusion. I hear a lot of “there is a Bi Polar 2” what is the difference.
I wish I could tell you lots of them, you get longer periods of depression, you have Hyper mania instead of Mania, there are commonalities as well.
You struggle with impulse control (might be one reasons sometimes I say what I think and have also done so not sure if that is a good or bad thing)
This is not something I chose, it is not a path I would honestly wish on anyone. I have googled a lot since diagnosed and honestly am not much clearer than before I started.
It is a lot to wrap your head around and honestly the information out there can be a bit complex and not very straight forward.
However I now need to choose if I take the path of medication, I told my Dr and Shrink I would try it but I am wary after the Metaformin incident that sent my health spiralling backwards for 2 full years and even now I am still trying to pull myself out of that spiral of sucky bad health.
There are also natural things I can do, but you need a budget for that that atm I just do not have.
Honestly I am still wrapping my head around it and what changes I need to make to help myself cope and deal with this all.
The thing I find hardest is letting people in when I am in the bad places, and it is important to have people around who can say hey you don’t seem ok etc. Even though you do not want to hear it.
So this is another part of my journey that I am embarking on. It puts my life in perspective in a whole new way but it also sheds light on other things.
I have always been deeply spiritual but I find that the Self Help gurus have a very simplistic approach to Mental Illness the whole change your thoughts change your life philosophy is not a blanket cure.
Yes it helps to think positively but when something shifts in your brain and no matter how hard you want to you just can’t, when life is just barely scraping by and going through the motions a positive thought might help for a moments respite if you can muster the strength or energy but it is by no means a cure all.
People with mental illness cannot always choose their thoughts. If we could we would choose to be well!! We would choose to have a normal life, not periods of blackness and of feeling like we are swirling through a foggy mind numbing sometimes painfully torturous vortex.
I will as always when I can share my journey with you and keep doing research and trying to figure out what this not only means for me but what I can do to help myself through this into a more normal sort of life.
Big Hugs to you all
Till next we meet on life’s journey please take some time out for yourself and look after you.
In Love and Light