Meet Dorothy


Dorothy

I can not even tell you how excited I am to share this wee (and I mean she stands at a wee 3-4″ in total) little bear with you all.

I have been so busy making a few new bears and finishing off half finished ones in the last week but none has made me happier than this wee Dorothy

She sits a little lopsided, but then so do all my bears. I have never figured out why but it might be cause I am a bit lopsided myself, I like to leave their flaws in because I truly believe it gives them personality.

Dorothy Started on a whim an I wonder if I can turn some gingham ribbons into a bear outfit and as you can see yes yes I can 🙂

I am not sure she will make it into my etsy store to sell she is off to a Market Morning in Canberra on Saturday.

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A year of Letting Go


This year has been quite full on, mostly health wise but also emotionally.

 

It has been a year of letting go.

 

Letting go of people

 

Letting go of old ideas

 

Letting go of outdated ways I see myself

 

Letting go of old emotions and hurts.

 

 

It has been the year of letting go.

 

 

Some people you just need to let go of. An ex who wanted to be friends, mostly because he liked talking to me and having as he said at least one ‘nice’ (gosh how I dislike that word) friend. Who did not understand what it was to truly be a friend and so I did what I always do when pushed to that point I said I can’t do this anymore.

 

And watched the bridge finally once and for all burn behind me.

 

On the same day I made the decision one of the hardest I have had to do to let another friend out of my life. She was a good friend in some ways, always trying to give me money and buying me things I needed. But had no idea no matter how much I tried to explain it how truly disempowering that is to have your choices snatched from you. To have no say just be presented something as already Done.

 

This is just a small drop in the bucket, I am learning to set better boundaries in my relationships. Its something I have always struggled with. At one point I was pretty much made responsible for her emotional wellbeing, I am not equiped for such things and as those kinds of things do I found it spiraling me further and further into depression and weighting me down.

 

I needed to change the rules and to set much stronger boundaries, I am not just talking in little ways, this person though well meaning would sabotage me instead of saying I should go to appointments or spend time with my family if I said I was remotely not in the mood she would push me not to go. She would call and de rail me when I wanted to do things because a call from her could last hours and by the time we were done I had nothing left all I could do was curl up in bed and nap.

 

I say this not to put this person down or to say hey your a bad person but because this is the reasons why.

 

It all came to head through facebook pm’ s which amazed me as she so could easily have called me.

 

So I let it all go, I needed to do it for me, selfish perhaps and I am sure there are those who truly believe so but none the less I had to do what was best for my emotional well being.

 

I got a message not long ago, actually less than a week after my birthday, no happy birthday, no how are you, no I miss our friendship just a launch into the latest drama and a you were right about something I had said that I had long forgotten.

 

It showed me one thing I had made the right choice for me. I had spent many hours in the midst of other such dramas coaxing out info and getting to the bottom of it all so I always know there is more to the story.

 

I hold no ill will in my heart towards anyone, one of the greatest gifts I have been given in my life and have been learning in recent years is to have compassion and unconditional love for others.

 

I wish her the same she wished for me A wonderful life filled with all you could wish for.

 

I just can not be that doormat I used to be, nor can I be what I once was.

 

Sometimes the road ends and in my heart and soul I know our friendship had reached its expiry date.

 

More recently I had some people chose to remove themselves from my life. It is funny how much stuff I pick up and that sometimes filters through more slowly. I am so grateful that this happens in some ways because it helps me to see the why’s and hows.

 

No matter how much we grow we all will meet people who trigger us, and give us a chance to put into practice all we have learned along our journey and I am sure that this is what last weekend was about. (Will do a post about Dr Who and the BBW Bash at some point).

 

The Daily Love this week had a post about just that, and so much stuff has cropped up in my feed on facebook that I feel like I stepped into the right place at the right time. I am still not 100% sure why I had to go but I know I feel different since I have returned home.

 

What makes me happy is I had started to see these people’s true colours prior to the weekend, the events of the weekend just made it stand out more.

 

I am also glad that I am learning to recognise abusive behaviour patterns and such in more ways which is great because it means I am moving to a point where I will no longer accept them into my life.

 

This is huge for me, because the history of emotional abuse in my life is rampant. To know and recognise the signs of such things and be able to walk away, to be able to shut the door fully knowing 100% that once I saw the signs and trusted myself enough to understand what I was seeing I feel is a huge break through for me.

 

Yes this person fired the first shot so to speak but I closed the door fully no way back no return. Goodbye have a nice life, please learn to truly walk your talk.

 

Where I was staying at the weekend was flooded with memories for me and I truly believe the saying sometimes we need to go backwards to go forwards.

 

I was not stuck remembering the sad times but the good times, the amazing memories I have with people who are no longer a part of my life.

 

People who have let go of me and who I have let go of.

 

When it is right to let go it is an amazingly liberating experience like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and you can really breathe again.

 

And so as I look at what I have let go of this year I also see what I have gained in so doing.

 

It does not make you a bad person to walk away. Sometimes that is the only option that is left to us.

 

It does not make you horrible if you burn your bridges behind you, sometimes we need to know there is no way back.

 

It does not make you selfish if you put yourself and your emotional wellbeing above others. Because in truth it makes us stronger and more able to serve.

 

Sometimes we outgrow ideas, any spiritual teacher will tell you this. One of the reasons I resonate so much with Wayne Dyer is because he says this outright what I believed yesterday may not be what I believe today.

 

And this year for me has been about letting go of old ideas, of lessons that are no longer serving who I am right now! In this very moment.

 

The hardest one for myself sometimes is letting go of who I used to be, especially before the ill health kicked in and the battle to find out what is going on kicked in.

 

The me that could do anything.

 

What this weekend taught me is whilst it is a slow road I am making progress back towards that, it may never ever be fully what I was because lets face it I have grown so much as a person in that time it never could be.

 

But I also learned I can handle so much more at times than even I imagine.

 

So many old emotions and fears have been bought to the surface this year, ones in all honesty I thought I had dealt with and moved on from.

 

It has been hard in places, left me in tears at times, left me frustrated and confused but I know it has all happened to help me let go.

 

In letting go we allow ourselves the courage to move forward without that baggage weighing us down.

 

I can not help but feel I am getting ready for something big, something exciting, something new but as yet have no idea what.

 

A lovely psychic friend of mine posted something about the energy of next year 2014 being about wishes coming true in unexpected ways.

 

I can not help think that being pushed to let go is making room for those wishes to come true.

 

For everything I have lost, or let go of this year I have gained so much more in terms of self knowledge, life lessons and amazing new friends who teach me so very very much about who I am and what I am worth.

 

Letting go takes courage, sometimes you have to walk through the fire and the flames and allow yourself to be reborn like the pheonix from the ashes.

 

As I dust myself off from the latest triggers I can not help but feel so very grateful for all that has happened

 

it has taught me so much and shown me how resiliant I truly am.

 

Tears dry, hurt fades, scars heal, but the lessons we learn along the way live with us forever should we so choose.

 

Yes I could chose to be bitter and hate filled with all that has happened but why would I choose such a sad destructive path for myself?

 

It would accomplish nothing and at the end of the day is not who I am.

Yes I had my moments of I have let myself down, of it hurting and of tears but through all of that (and I have noticed the more I tune in and the more I grow and learn the less personally I take these things and the easier they are to overcome) I have been so grateful to see peoples true colours.

 

To learn who I can trust and who I can not.

 

That is such a gift.

 

I am so truly lucky and blessed to have some of the most incredible people I have ever known or met in my life looking out for me, making sure they show me they care.

 

How amazingly lucky I am that they live all over the Australia and the World.

How wonderful that I can talk things out with them to find where the lessons lie and the rhyme and reason for things.

It is Thanksgiving weekend in the States at the moment and this week I have spent it being truly grateful for true friends.

For how much faster I learn the lessons now, for how much easier it becomes to spot the ‘false spirituals’ those who use spirituality to show how wonderful they are when instead it becomes a mask, a front, a way to suck others into their world.

For how I process things on so many levels at once that it can take days or even months for all the lessons to filter through.

 

I am grateful for so very much in my life, a roof over my head, good food on the table, incredible amazing loving wonderful brilliant friends who make me laugh, cry and who give as much as I do, who support me and give me wings when I feel I have lost mine and who inspire me everyday with who and what they are, for my creativity and passion for without them I would be very lost indeed and for each of you who read my blog and follow my journey and I hope gain a little wisdom along the way

 

I AM Grateful!

I feel so blessed, so loved and so happy to have all I do in my world.

 

Till next we meet on life’s journey May you be able to count your amazing blessings and see all the good you do reflected in those you surround yourself with.

 

In Love and Light

 

Amanda

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Body Image and the Myth of Perfection


Something has been happening lately and it shocks, stuns and dismays me to say the least. If you are a woman you have probably done this, probably heard friends and family do the same thing.

And as women the place for it to stop is up to each of us Indavidually, the more we stop this the more we stop buying into what advertisers, magazines, society, TV, Radio etc are trying to sell us.

You see this week I witnessed a group of beautiful, stunning women. Who are Strong, who have been through some amazingly rough and difficult times, some you would think were made up they are so tragic. Who carry on in spite of everything with a sense of humor, who are nothing short of AMAZING talk about how much they hate their bodies. It broke my heart.

It made me wonder if there was something wrong with me for not hating myself with the same level of anger and hatred that they did.

You see this was not your usual skinny girls sitting around saying how fat they are, this was a group of amazing BBW’s (Big Beautiful Women) and SSBBW’s (Super Sized Big Beautiful Women)

And then I remembered how hard I have worked on myself. How much I have worked to recover my self esteem and how much I love who I am.

I listened to a health proffessional emotionally blackmail someone in my craft class with the whole “my mother died earlier this year and I am worried about you” speech I was mortified.

Another girl who is simply pin up model gorgeous is being paid $10/kg to loose 40kgs I dont know where she will loose it all from because she was pretty toned and healthy to begin with.

This is not just a fat girl problem because Skinny beautiful women feel that they are fat and ugly as well.

This is a problem because it is starting to happen to Men as well as advertisers and magazines target more “Insecurities” in order to sell more and more products we do not really need.

The view that we all need to be ‘Perfect’ in order to live an amazing life or need to use x x or y product to attain Perfection, Perfection is the illusion.

Cellulite was made up by a womans magazine to move moisturiser, until that happened no one had a name for what we now call cellulite.

Think about that, think about how much money is spent on products we simply do not need.

Think of the industries that would collapse if we all started to do something radical, something unexpected, something that instead of being sheep happily baa ing along we turned and faced the other way.

We took the time to get really comfortable in our own skins

 

We took the time to work through our fears and insecurities

 

We took the time to really get to know ourselves

 

We took the time to change that inner critic, the inner record from one filled with negative shaming thoughts given to us by society, media, family and friends that we have adopted as our own and change them to something more positive sure it takes practice, sure we will still have days where we forget to do this but slowly over time that record will be changed and we will start feeling the joy of how simply beuatiful and wonderous we truly are

 

We stopped Buying the magazines that promote this type of behaviour

 

We stopped watching shows that promote the myths

 

We stopped supporting people who promoted body shaming in any way shape or form

 

We stopped targeting and shaming others for their body shape

 

We promoted uplifting and helping each other

 

We supported each other

 

We complimented each other

 

We saw the beauty in everyone around us

 

Sure it sounds idealistic

Sure it sounds hard

 

I sometimes think hating yourself, and taking on societies views is far easier than trying to swim upstream and find a way to love and accept all of yourself for the person you are.

It is so much easier to allow yourself to fall into that pit of despair of hate and self destruction.

The true courage lies in working to change that, in knowing yes you may fall down along the way but you can get back up and keep going.

You can do it

I am living proof of that.

I am Big, I am Beautiful, I am Proud of every curve of my Luscious Body, I am Proud of the person I am.

I know that not everyone will get that, I know that some people will look at me and say wtf she is huge.

You know what I am FAT, in truth it is unlikely I will ever be anything but FAT in body shape and I love my curves.

Some people are not made to be skinny just like some are not made to be fat.

Why should my loving my curves and the skin I am in be a threat to anyone?

 

Instead let it inspire you to learn to love the skin your in, Big, small or inbetween we are all beautiful, amazing wonderful human beings doing the best we can.

Lets not add to lifes burdens by hating on ourselves.

Till next we meet on lifes journey please remember to take care of yourself and take steps to embrace every inch of who you are without appology or remorse

 

In Love and Light

Amanda

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A Realisation


Something has occured to me recently, one of those slow dawning moments. I no longer crave attention or approval from others.

I no longer jump up and down in the myriad of ways we are taught growing up to say look at me, look at what I am doing, look arn’t I a good girl.

I am ok with fading into the background, not in the it’s ok to ignore or mistreat me sense. But in the sense of I no longer have a little girl screaming inside of me that I need the attention and validation from others. I no longer need to dance around saying ‘Look at me’

It’s been a long journey and I am sure I will still have insecure days here and there as we are all bound to. However I have been learning to and suceeding in loving and validating myself.

I sometimes think that it is those people in the background, the ones we don’t always see or hear about that often have the greatest impacts on others lives.

To step out of the everyday gossip, bitchyness and backstabbing for me has been something I have always worked hard to eradicate. If there is any of it around me now I am truly not made aware of it by others and that is ok by me. I truly have no need or desire to know unless it is something that will help me grow or aid me on my spiritual journey.

I have also come to the realisation that though far from perfect my life is pretty darn good. I have a roof over my head, food on the table, wonderful amazing family and friends, I get to share my psychic gifts with the world. I get to be creative every single day and I get to interact with friends all over the world. I get to teach craft once a week.

Would I like more money rolling in?

 

sure?

 

Would I like to find the love of my life?

 

Of course!

 

I trust that those things will happen for me. I am more open and ready for them than I have ever been in the past. My heart is fully healed, ready and open in a way it never truly has been before.

No longer a scared little girl waiting for everyone to leave her, yes there are still challenges ahead in relationships 38 years of having been pushed by circumstances to be fiercely independant is going to be hard to let someone in. To allow a Man to be Masculine to be my strength when I need it. I am sure he will be worth it. I am sure we will learn and grow together. After all life is a pretty magical journey when we allow it to be.

 

Something I have noticed in the last few days. I have stopped trying to do things. I have stopped pushing myself to get x x or y done and just allowed myself to flow with how I feel during my day.

And guess what??

 

I am accomplishing far more. The weight of expectation or of ugh I have to do this is not there.

I am forever quoting Yoda at a friend of mine re spirituality and communicating with his guides and Stephen I owe you a huge appology because it is one time I have just realised I have not always walked my talk.

“There is no try only do”

and it may have been in different aspects of life but I have to appolagise anyway because I was telling you to do something and was not always doing it myself.

That is one thing I have worked on and been pretty good at most of my life owning up to when I make a mistake or am wrong.

I have always been a bull in a china shop prefering to have it out, discuss the issues or deal with whatever arose as it happens rather than allowing anger and resentment to build.

I can only hope that the new Man whoever he may be is a good communicator as I know that is essential for a good strong relationship.

I have been stopping to smell the roses of late. Looking back on all that has lead me to where I am today.

Sometimes I get frustrated at what feels like a lack of progress health wise. Then I remember what it used to be like

My feet used to swell like footballs, to the point you could push down on the top of my foot with a finger and it would take a good 3-4 hrs for that dint to go away.

I used to get constant bouts of cellulitus, reallly bad ones.

 

Now my feet will swell but only in a very small way, even if I have been pushing myself.

Now when I get celulitus it is usually a small patch that heals relatively quickly.

Yes I am still getting a handle on the PCOS and insulin resistance thing.

 

However my diet is the best it’s ever been, I have cut sugar in my diet way back.

I bake muffins and make my own granola rather than buying pre made cereals and breakfast foods.

Most nights I cook a great nutritious style meal. ( or cook something that will just need reheating for a few nights)

Yes I still have junk type meals and food on occasion. But I know my body does not react well to long periods of this so I don’t do it as much as I used to. (by used to I mean well over 10 years ago)

I am letting go of old patterns both emotionally, mentally and diet wise that no longer serve me.

I am allowing myself to grow.

 

The funny thing is I used to say I have spent the last 10 years running away from Myself and my spiritual path.

What I did not expect to learn is that in doing that I actually ran into the most intense period of learning in my life.

Every relationship has something to teach you about yourself no matter how big or small.

Every person in your world is there for a reason if only to teach you to have greater compassion and understanding.

Love really is an amazing tool for transformation.

And my journey, well my journey feels like a new chapter is just beginning

 

Till Next we meet on life’s journey may you find your way to truly loving and appreciating the amazing being that you are!!

 

PS Forgive spelling errors its almost 1.30am and I am ready for bed!

 

In Love and Light

Amanda

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Something that has been on my Mind


Something I have noticed and it has been niggling at me this week is that both the Hay House World Summit 2013 and The Daily Love Extravaganza talked a bit about weight loss.

Pretty normal as it is something so strong in our society however what has occurred to me is that no one has presented anything on Health at every size, and yet there is a lot of talk about Loving and Accepting yourself for who you are.

Now before you jump to the conclusion that I am an ungrateful wretch. I have deep gratitude for every moment of both events that I have been a part of.

I think they are amazing events and they do a great deal of good

However being somewhat active in the online size acceptance community. I know size is not always something that can be controlled by diet, exercise and thoughts.

I know many larger people who are active, treat their bodies like temples and are just naturally bigger.

This is where my problem arises. Because an industry that is all about empowerment is actually disempowering a part of their Audience. The subject of women and body image has been a strong theme of TDL Extravaganza this year.

I am not saying every fat person is perfect re diet and exercise etc just like every skinny person is not.

I would love to see speakers like Regan from Dances with Fat as a speaker at one of these events or some of the Heas (Health at Every Size) advocates and authors.

More and more research these days is pointing to body size as no indicator of health.

The Haes movement is such an important one to get behind as it is about adding more movement into your life at your level. Rather than bashing you over the head and saying you have to do x x or y.

The other part of that is that the more you love and accept yourself the more you make healthier choices. However when you are told that it just comes down to how we think, or we are all lying to ourselves.

Thats when I start to wonder at how someone who is bigger, perhaps with low self esteem who is listening and who is hearing you need to learn to love and accept yourself for who you are

and then is hearing you don’t love yourself enough if you need to lose weight or are bigger (this is my perception and I am sure it is not the intent of the speakers to create this) that you can’t possibly love and accept yourself. Or the added assumption that people are not feeding their bodies well.

That’s where I have the problem.

It has taken me a long road to get where I am now. I have worked very hard to love and accept myself and my body.

I have spent 10 years changing my everyday eating habits and moving to a much healthier lifestyle.

 

From my perspective I bake from scratch, make granola, cook 95% of my meals from scratch without using convienience foods to make meals.

My journey is just that my journey. However I find it disempowering when weight loss becomes the focus.

I have spent time focusing on my health and making healthy sustainable changes.

I can admit I am far from perfect. However the more I move along this journey the more I know the consequences of my actions. The more I am learning to balance and choosing to make better choices because I know that’s what my body craves.

Speaking to a nutritionist, doing my own research and finding my own way through information overload in a world that looks at me and tells me everyday how fat and lazy I must be because of my body size.

I was once asked a question in a spiritual group many many years ago and I was amazed at my response as I didn’t think just answered.

“Why are you fat?”

‘To teach others acceptance.’

I now know of course in part it is genetics, some of it is health issues such as PCOS and Insomnia.

But I also know through knowing me many friends along my journey have learned not to be so harsh and judgemental of people they see in the street or to stop avoiding having larger friends.

I just think that empowering others needs to encompass all body types.

Especially as a woman I think it would be revolutionary to have other women who are of size speaking at these events and talking about their journey to self acceptance and loving their curves, lumps and bumps.

I know I still have some obstacles to overcome, I know I am still learning and growing however I also know without a doubt I will never be slender. I may never go down a dress size.

My body may not change in size or shape no matter what I do, then again it might.

For me I do not focus on my size, I focus on my health and loving myself and the life I have.

From an early age there is one lesson my Mother taught me through her example that is priceless ‘to make the most of wherever you are at in life, and to have a sense of humor no matter how bad things may seem’

My thought is this, if enough of us ask for it, if enough of us stand up and say hey can we please hear about Heas or from Plus Size (and by plus size I mean size 16 upwards) women who have empowered themselves and embraced who they are size and all.

That perhaps the next time these events are run then we will have a more balanced view represented. Imagine how empowered we would all become, imagine how many women would be empowered to move past their body issues. How much self esteem could grow and most of all how much others could benefit, grow and become less judgemental of those they really have no knowledge or understanding of.

The shift’s that could occur from such interactions could be revolutionary.

Till next we meet on life’s journey remember ‘judge not least ye be judged’

 

In Love and Light

 

Amanda

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365 Days of Love June Day 151-180


It has been a pretty full on couple of months, I am hoping next month to get back to letters and cards. Though July will be a mini canvas 😉

For June the idea came from an idea I had a while back using the Donna Salazar Carnation creation dies, I always thought that some of the dies looked like daisies and wanted to find a way to create them on a pipe cleaner (which I have and will share at some point)

 photo juneLove_zpseb5a11d9.jpg

So that is what I did made a recycled book paper flower and added a heart with a message that says

“Dear Amazing You,

A flower to brighten your day and show you someone cares”

Love a

Friend.

It is Winter in Australia so I thought it was a great Idea

 photo hearttag_zps3b3d7f27.jpg

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My Psychic Footpath


What many people don’t know about me is that I used to as a teenager laugh at my Mother for going to see psychics, and tarot card readers.

She once had a boyfriend who was very new age. In fact the first official concert (barring Young Talent Time I was rather obsessed as a child) was Paul Simon’s Graceland because his Mother was to sick to go. What an Amazing Concert that was. Anyway back to the story.

Looking back now I can see the signposts. The things that stood out like beacons that this was who I am.

As a child we traveled a lot with our Caravan in School Holidays. Whilst on one hand I was fascinated with some items in Museums and Historical Houses many places had me feeling spooked and uneasy, especially the old gaols.

I remember often tearing through a Museum and then amusing myself outside or bugging my Parents until they were ready to leave.

I don’t think there were any noticeable incidents that showed my abilities as such more a sense of feelings and what not. I often misbehaved when things were going on that as a child I was left out of or sensed ( something that sometimes happens even now when my intuition kicks in without me having the words or rhyme or reason for it though I am still learning to recognise those moments).

However I often knew stuff without knowing How I knew it. This is a trait that can infuriate others, though can sometimes come in handy at Trivia nights. In fact an early example of this at boarding school was when we were getting ready for church one Saturday night, watching a Video (yep before DVD’s were even invented) of Anne of Green Gables. A friend was curling my hair for me (seriously small town and not allowed out much meant Church was the social event of the week). One of the girls walked in and I can’t remember why but she was mad at me. Anyway she was like ‘ You think you know everything’ and pointed to the TV screen and said ‘who is that’ (she pointed to the woman playing Marilla). I have no idea how I knew the answer I just did, without missing a beat I replied ‘Colleen Dewhurst’. I remember being glared at. Anyway a bit later when we got to the end of that part of the series someone Paused the credits long enough to find out who played Marilla and sure enough I was right and the girl stormed out in a huff.

Once I got home from Boarding school. Strange things started to happen. I would hear 2 taps on my window every night before I went to sleep (this would happen whenever I turned the light off and decided it was time for bed no matter what time of night) and 2 footsteps like they were crunching through Leaves. My Mother was a neat freak there was never anything to make that kind of noise beside my room.

I started to see parts of peoples Auras, I don’t even know how I knew what they were I think Mum Had been to Mind Body Spirit and had her Kirlian photography done (it takes a photo for you with your Aura on show for those who do not know what it is). I did year 12 twice and during an Audition for a Dance/Drama course I made a new friend. His Girlfriend would become one of my best friends for a time along my journey.

She was sleeping over at my house one night and another of my strange events happened (I had been feeling like I was imagining this as it happened a bit for a few years) The radio announcers voice changed and she looked at me and said ‘do you hear that?’ ‘You hear that?’ I asked her in shock. Not only did she reply yes but she also told me about this beautiful white lady her sister saw at times when she was in danger as sort of a warning sign to stop, take a different way. Jenny then went on to tell me that she sometimes saw stars on people to show her if they would treat her well or not. She told me I had a silver star on my cheek, my response was ‘Like the blue star on your hand’. It was her turn to be shocked. I remember her being awed and saying ‘you can see that’ I had no idea that these were the sign posts that were already leading me towards a completely different path than I ever imagined.

So fast forward a year or so to me having been kicked out of home, doing my HSC a 2nd time, having a complete emotional meltdown, living with a gang of street kids, having my life threatened all of which lead to me Moving into the YWCA in Paramatta.

One day looking through the local paper there was a free lecture at the library on Auras and Angels and such so I talked all the women into going to it with me. We all stayed for the 2nd talk which was about $4 at the time. However I was the only one to fork out the $60 to do the workshop and this is kind of where the story really begins.

You see there was a Man in the group Adrian who kept gravitating towards me while we were doing exercises. This is important for later in the story I promise :).

The workshop lead into a weekly group which I also attended but never completed. (Most of what I know and have learned has been fly by the seat of your pants no one to guide me intuition but then again there is more help then ever for people to tune into their intuition and for psychics to develop their gifts thank goodness)

Of course the problem with a group of this nature is that there was one Single attractive guy and a bunch of Women (when does this scenario ever not create problems?)

In the group we were learning and doing activities designed to help us tune into our intuition and connect with our guides. We decided to throw a surprise party for Adrian.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to throw a surprise party for someone who is psychic and reads Auras??

He later told me it was like every one of our Auras was helmeted to our heads he could’nt read a thing from any of us which is what we had all asked our guides to do. It was Adrians 28th Birthday and I had gifted him a small Wizard Statue of a Wizard sitting in a chair with little bowls either side of him. As a group we gave him some Emerald chips as he loved emeralds. So we pulled off the surprise party. Someone took him for coffee, I pretended to have left something in the Unit, went back unlocked it to let the others back in, then had to pretend to leave and go back.

After it started to get late and there were just 3 of us left Tracey whose appartment it was (she was also rather smitten with Adrian think I was one of the few women who weren’t to be honest). He asked me to do a reading for him. My immediate response was don’t be silly I can’t do readings, but then he started to ask me questions, it was late, I was tired and I answered without thinking or  my answers which is key because the moment you think and annalyse your intuition becomes somewhat compromised by your thoughts and beliefs. It got to late for me to make it back to the YWCA for curfew so I stayed.

Adrian and I talked and I kept doing his reading. At one point I remember saying to him “The ball is not in your court, I see a tennis court but can not see who is on the other side just that it’s not your ball” Little did I know it was in my court.

Sometimes when you step into the flow your connection to someone is intense and strong. Adrian and I had such a connection it had nothing to do with Love and Romance but everything to do with developing our gifts and healing. I did my first blockage release with Adrian that morning. He sat in front of the Wizard Statue with an emerald chip in each of the cups and We journeyed together (prior to this I had listed all his blockages and when they were it was one of those nights you never forget but spend time somedays wondering if it was all just a dream).

He had been feeling guilty for burying some toy soldiers when he was a child, because he never dug them up before he moved. So I took him back to that place, something in me told me to get him to climb the big tree in the backyard, he was adamant he wouldnt, we took a break and came back to it. Turns out he had put the sodliers in the hollow of the tree and forgotten them. Amazing how something so simple can stop us in the here and now.

Adrian and I had such a strong connection that when we left that morning we kept saying the same things at the same time, the whole finishing each others sentances type of thing but in a sort of different way this was someone I had only met on half a dozen occasions at this stage.

The connection was amazing, we felt exactly what the other person was going through, in essence it was almost like living two lives at the same time. I am not sure I will ever experience something of this intensity again but it was an amazing time in my life and a very compact period of spiritual growth for me.

He ended up with an Amazing Lady called Manju. Which of course caused divides in the group, I remember her pushing me to go one night and remember saying ‘We are not meant to go’   Adrian had just told them that he and Manju were together. When we turned up I was sitting on the lounge when Tracey’s guide A saxaphone Jazz Musician Showed up, I saw him standing there cool as can be just like I would see you or you would see me. The message I heard was loud and clear ‘Get out you are not meant to be here’ my response was ‘I know I tried to tell her that’ I had also told Manju that none of us were going to finish the group (Meaning Adrian, her and I) and that proved to be true. From there the connection Adrian and I shared continued for some time till we eventually lost touch.

I did readings for a very short time at a Fairy Shop in Liverpool and then got soured when someone apparently complained I was fraudulent I remember the woman walking in very closed minded to the point I did not even wish to take her money. She insisted but I actualy almost had a fight with her because I did not feel it went well.

A few years after that I started work on a psychic line. A client of Jennifer Angels called and got me. She was so impressed she recommended me to Jenny and I spent quite a few years on and off working for her.

She ran Athena’s, her own and both Athena and Deborah Grey’s spell lines. I liked working for Jenny because with her I was never encouraged to force people to stay online or keep them talking by saying stuff “Wait spirit has more to tell you” (Yes I once worked for a woman who told me just that and fired me by SMS for not making people stay on the line longer) if a person just had a simple question.

Over the years my vision has improved. It is still not my most prominent skill. Feeling will always be that. I am learning to be more comfortable with Mediumship though in all honesty not sure I could consider myself a Medium, as it is not a skill I practice often or I have to say with much confidence though I always pass on what I get even if I am confused by it. I am what is called a clear channel.

My guides talk to your guides who all talk to me though I liken it more to plucking thoughts out of the air. I am considered Psychic because I am all of the big 3 Clairsentient (feeling), Clairaudient (hearing) and Clairvoyant (seeing).

It has been an interesting journey and path to be on. I have been given a lot of challenges that sometimes force you to grow spiritually even sometimes when your not ready.

I liken the early days to that feeling of being dunked by a wave at the beach, and before you can catch your breath being dunked repeatedly over and over again until all you can do is gradually drag yourself out of the ocean for some deep breaths. I have experienced the real life version of that to.

I often say to people who are trying to run away from their spiritual journey don’t it gets 10x harder each time you do and at some point the universe does it for you.

The universe may have done it for me however I am extremely grateful because I have learned and grown more than even I could imagine.

When I hear how others view who I am and what I have become I am nothing short of Awestruck, sometimes I even wonder if it is me they are really talking about.

So that is my path to becoming and embracing myself as a Psychic.

I am not sure I have shared all that on this blog yet but I felt compelled to write this today, who am I to question the wings of intuition?

So now I must go and bring a wee bearbie to life, who would think in this world there could possibly be such a thing as a Scrapbooking, Teddy Bear Artist, Psychic? and yet here I am.

Till next we meet on life’s journey trust your intuition, believe in yourself and the path before you, it won’t always be easy but it will lead you on amazing adventures and spiritual growth.

In Love and Light

Amanda

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